Another damn snow. We could see grass and concrete, find the icy patches and almost, almost begin to believe that there might be a summer again..but there it is, all covered again in it’s puity of whiteness, not yet scuffed or dirtied by life. There in the yard circling through the whiteness and leading to a shelter under a board beside the doghouse lope the bunny tracks. The rabbit seems to like this yard – perhaps due to my landscaping style of letting-it-go-to-wild.
Despite the pleasant picture of wildness in my backyard I must get to work – I’m on call for transport and the call has come in. To that other hospital across the river to pick up a child, hanging in the adult icu.
Bad roads, lack of ambulance and a trip in an interhospital transport with a new driver who has adopted the ‘drive it like you stole it’ method of getting through traffic and we get to boy’s side. Their unit is so full they have him lodged in their treatment room all packaged and ready for us. Nice.
After a few equipment malfunctions and a trip back with the same driver and a truck with intermittent power and a screaming ventilator, we arrive to place him in the unit bed where just last night a 17 year old was admitted, coded and died after ingesting unknown substances in his bid for eary release, beside the girl child who hung herself a month ago.
Life is not easy for these children. Is it parents who don’t know how to parent? All their stories are so sad. Girl was tormented and harassed by her sister unmercifully. Boy last night was in a facillity -halfway house after detox for addiction. Boy today was in the psych unit after 3 suicide attempts.
I read their histories of an arguement over picking something up off the floor leading to a suicide attempt and I wonder if their parents are unable to see pain and distress in their own attempts to be ‘in control’.
Juice came by last night. The real juice, not the imposter juice who has been posing to get extra food. The big dark orange juice with mats and clumps of hair along his sides. He is much more feral after his winter on the wildside. he came in and spent the night but by this morning was anxious to go. No amount of petting and talking calmly could induce him to sty. No attempts to remove any matts were entertained. he hissed and growled and stood by the door yeowling. He wouldn’t even stay for breakfast.
Like juice these kids are partially feral. You cage them and they will chew off their own arm rather than face eternity confined. Their feral status is as a result of the yard of their childhood having gone to wild. Their landscapers have been negligent. Too many days and nights of them not being central to the arrangments. The latest boy wrote he wanted to die so his it would be easier for his mum. His mum wrote that it was all her ex’s fault as he was abusive and had called social services on her.
Their lives are a backyard of fresh snow, pure and unwritten upon to start and slowly marked and scuffed and dirtied by the gardners who seem to lack a comprehension of what they are there for. Juice needs to roam free but the door and the shelter are here should he need them. As is the breakfast.