Strange and awkward

I went into the mall today. No, not THE mall, certainly the mall. I have not been shopping in any mall for months. I avoided christmas, pre and post shopping frenzy and so, it was a ‘holy shit!, has the world gone mad?’ moment for me.

My first inkling that there was something very wrong was, of course, the parking lot. It seemed a but full, but as I was able to find a space close to the door without too much difficultly, I promptly forgot all about it. Until I descended into the second, third and certainly fourth circles of hell. There should be an inscription above the door ,Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.

With no Virgil to guide me, I circled through lust, gluttony and greed in all its 21st century forms. Crowds of lamenting suffers, disorienting noises, harsh lights, a spin of colours, sounds, smells assaulting and bruising…My gods! Why have you forsaken me!?

And I found another special hell within that is as yet un-named. It is the hell of men where they don’t belong.

I have a fair tolerance for change, but there are just some things that are so wrong you must speak up and address the elephant in the room – or rather, the men in the lingerie and make up stores.. Now as I see it there can be only three reasons for you to be in there:

1. You are so whipped you are carrying your wife/girl friend’s purse and followed her into the store.

2. You are a cross dressing female impersonator in search of something with pop for your next show.

3. You are just creepy. (see 2 above).

Most disturbing of all are those men who follow their female companion into the dressing room. Buying underwear is unpleasant enough without coming out of the change room and coming face to face with some creeptile.  I can’t decided who is more messed up – the woman who can’t buy her underwear without a man’s input or the man who is too stupid to figure out there are places you don’t belong. They probably have bathrooms with dual sinks and think it is just fine to brush your teeth while your partner uses the toilet. Ick.

Seriously, do you ask yourself why you are standing around looking at 25 different shades of pink lip gloss? Do you question the value of an 8 hour moisturizer over a dedicated night cream? See that old guy dozing in the chair in the mall? Go join him. Now. Grow a set or retrieve them from her purse, but get the hell out of places you don’t belong.

So really, I guess there is only one reason for a man to be in the lingerie or make up store.

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